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Daily Journal # 2

The butterfly is nearly ready to come out of her cocoon. Maybe this weekend.

Every now and then, my body/brain needs to do this awful thing where I stay awake until 6am. Last night was of those nights. So I slept in until around 11am when my mom texted me asking how I was doing.

The big milestone today is that I got to leave the apartment! The energy needed to do that wasn't all the way there though: I walked across the street to return some very overdue library books and pick up a couple of groceries. When I got home I was fully drained, couch potato all day.

But I still made a point of watching my YouTube videos for business & creative development, while using my phone as a creative tool. Here are some of my awful creations:

This was attempt # 1 of animation in Canva. As you can tell, it went very well and the result is super realistic I honestly cannot believe that it's computer generated.

Then I did some god-awful music note tapping:

Can I just say, I'm legitimately really enjoying using music and art experimentation as journaling mediums. I love titling a music draft something relevant to the day to always have that tiny little seed of the memory planted.

I came up with another idea for YouTube content. I thought with the crocheting and journaling I do, why not use that as a "journal with me" type video. Then I can put it into Logic real quick and "score it" so use that footage as inspiration for music and then use that music as the background for that video.

Unfortunately I can't remember which video it was today, but someone said: when it comes to YouTube content, what problem are you trying to solve? Basically that everyone is going to YT looking for a solution to something, so what are you there to solve?

And so I thought I could try leaning into the relaxation/stress relief genre. Like, "stop here for a few minute, take some deep breaths and just journal and make crafts." Something to try in this whole development stage.

That's something I'm learning to love lately: the fact that I have not traffic to my site or YouTube channel; no SEO, no social media presence. I can do whatever I want. And I really want to enjoy this process of making silly videos and weird music as I develop who I want to be as an artist and a business owner.

It seems silly, but I had this fear that once I opened myself up online, I would be instantly opening Pandora's box of exposure. And maybe that's because previously, I was telling people I knew to find the old pseudonym (literally what was the point of coming up with s pseudonym??) and I was focusing more on trying to grow myself on social media and putting that pressure on myself.

Mind you, that was when I:

A. Desperately needed my own money

B. Had done no research, and therefore had no expectations on how channel growth & monetization would go.

After all the videos I watched this week, I've learned that I need to give it solid year of hard work before I can even think about quitting my job. And to therefore take that time to explore and experiment and just trust the process. Or even better: actually enjoy the process.

Speaking of which, here's some more weird shit I made today:

That's the day. I also finished watching Season 1 of the Witcher. I almost read a book but was watching Season 1 of the Witcher instead. Should go to sleep now, but if I can't for some reason I'll read one of the books in the urgent stack. Will update.

Oh and one last thing: the walk uptown determined for me that I'm not ready to go back to work. So 3 more days straight of whatever this week has been. Yay!

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It's been a couple of days. I didn't really do much Sunday and Monday. Today I mostly just wrote music for my Fringe musical. The weight of that is setting in - we're aiming to do auditions in a month

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